Eurovision - Part 3

We'll get back to the usual business of rounding up the charts very soon, I promise, but seeing as the European charts are generally full of Eurovision entries at this time of year (Eric Saade is number one in Sweden, FYI), I think this is allowed.

Part 3 of our Eurovision round-up then. Let’s take a look at the drab entry from Slovakian twins, TWiiNS. Really, there isn’t much going on here except two things: (1) an incessant (and overloud) drum riff lifted straight from the chorus of Bleeding Love and (2) inexplicable shots of the Slovakian football team celebrating throughout the video (!?). I don't really get it. I do like what they’ve done with their name, mind.

It isn’t great, is it. Deux points.

On the subject of intriguing videos, this one from Spain’s entry, Lucia Perez, is particularly pleasing – it puts me in mind of both 90s Gloria Estefan and the delightful Leoncie...

Quite a fun song, I suppose, but I imagine it’ll struggle. Quatre points.

[EDIT: I hadn't quite realised how incredible that Youtube still is. LOL]

It does trump neighbour Portugal’s entry though, by quite some distance. Unless the competition is being judged on the basis of funniness – in which case this would be in with quite a shout. Here we go then – The Village People:

Lord, what is with those costumes!? Apparently, the title, Luta a Alegria, translates as “the daily struggle is all about fun”. Quite why they want to torment us then is anybody’s guess. Painful stuff – zero points.

From mildly amusing to plain weird. Seriously weird. Witloof Bay, Belgium’s entry, use the human voice to simulate instruments. Like beatboxing. And there is some beatboxing here, but there is an array of other instruments, with varying degrees of success. There is singing too, but there is something a little creepy about it - especially the female vocal. Whilst I commend the Belgian’s for trying something a little different, there is a reason that this sort of stuff doesn’t trouble the charts: it’s shit. I really do hate this actually.

Onto Yuksek Sadakat of Turkey, who sound like a Red Hot Chilli Peppers tribute act and appear to have styled themselves on one of the animated bands from Guitar Hero. The song though, whilst clichéd, does have a solid melody, and the guy can sing (albeit with an American accent) – I can see this one doing quite well.

Solid, I think you’ll agree. Neuf points.

And finally for today, Getter Jaani for Estonia, a former Estonia Idol contestant (she came 4^th) and one of the early competition favourites. It’s quite a contemporary sounding song, let down by some dodgy lyrics (“everything is more than surreal”), but the first minute is cute, the bridge builds nicely (to an underwhelming chorus, I must say), and there are some nice surprises tucked away in there (at 1:15 and 2:22, for example). I expect this will do very well.

Huit points.

Eurovision: Part Two

Time for part 2 of our Eurovision round-up, then. Today we’re focussing on the Nordic countries, who traditionally take the contest VERY seriously and, you know, they have been pretty successful in the past. Entries in these countries are generally chosen by the public in ratings-winning TV shows, with many songs competing in heats over a number of weeks before the winner is chosen in a grand final.

That is the process in Sweden, for example, who this year are sending pretty young thing Eric Saade with his song, Popular. He WILL be popular, he tells us, and then he’ll get his girl – although, quite why he wants a girl who will only want him when he’s famous is not really explained. The song features one of the worst opening verses you’ll hear in the competition, but it quickly bursts into life and gets better as it goes on, especially with the smashing glass at around 2:30.

Kind of fun. Six points.

Nice this isn’t what I expected from Iceland, especially after last year’s larger than life dance effort. Coming Home by Sjonni’s Friends has a backing track that wouldn’t sound out of place on Boardwalk Empire and with a Buble-ish vocal and lyrical sentiment. They dress a bit like Mumford and his Assortment of Annoying Friends, too.

I don’t quite know what to make of that, I must say, and I really have no idea whether Europe will it take it to its bosom. A fence-sitting six points, then.

It certainly trumps Finland’s entry, though. Paradise Oskar’s tale of a boy (Peter) who sets out to save the planet because “everyone’s busy living and dying, not thinking about what they’re doing” isn’t exactly offensive, but it is dull, despite young Oskar’s cute smile.

Un points.

Still awake? No? Wake yourself up with this lively number from Norway’s Kenya-born Stella Mwangi. All I need to say is: it has a dance routine (YES!).

Huit points. FYI, Haba Haba is Swahili for “little by little”. Sage advice there, readers, and advice Denmark’s entry should heed.

A Friend in London, a pop-rock band from Vostrup in Denmark, want to change the world overnight with their entry, New Tomorrow. “Come on boys, come on girls”, the singer pleads, “it’s your future, it’s your choice”. It seems this “crazy crazy world” is a bit too much for the bleached-blonde singer, and he wants us all to “make a new tomorrow, today.” Bless.

Trois points.

Eurovision!

First things first: I proper love Eurovision. Yes, the songs are generally worse than awful. Yes, the styling usually owes a little too much to 911. But you know, occasionally Eurovision can throw up some gems – like this brilliant Sebastian Tellier performance, or this jolly good Steps-meets-Abba effort from Charlotte Nilsson. So, what can we expect from this year’s contest?

First up, for the first time in Eurovision history, the winning act is returning to defend their crown. As a cruel reminder, Lena won last year with this horrible little Kate Nash-aping ditty. Here is her new hope, Taken by a Stranger (which is actually about a kidnapping!):

It is certainly a lot more contemporary than some of the other entries (see below), but it doesn’t really go anywhere – it’s Eurovision for crying out loud, where are the hooks? And my God is her voice grating. Deux points.

But Lena isn’t the only previous winner returning to the Eurovision stage this year, oh no. Brace yourselves, the diva herself, Ms Dana International is BACK! You’re pretty high right now, right? Well, sorry to do this to you, but take a look/listen...

That vocal... :(

Moving on, Russia aim to woo you with this RedOne penned (he wrote Bad Romance) tripe from Aleksey Vorobyov. The less said the better, but special mention must go to the moves in the final minute.

Un points from me, but sadly that is bound to finish in the top 5.

Cher Lloyd is representing Armenia this year, with this lovely slice of disco-tinted nonsense:

(No, of course it isn’t Cher Lloyd, it is the charming Emmy). (Six points).

I’ve been putting this off, but I suppose I’ve got to do it. The UK, the arrogant, self-entitled, laughing-stock of Europe, are attempting to turn around their pathetic-of-late Eurovision fortunes by sending an established act for the first time since Katrina and the Waves. Leona Lewis, you say? Tinie Tempah, you pray? Why no! Blue, of course. Blue. BLUE! Here goes:

It won’t surprise you to know that the Blue twats wrote that themselves. Nil points.

And finally (for now – come back tomorrow for a Nordic round-up, and keep coming for further updates), this brilliant effort from Hungary’s Kati Wolf. Seriously, this is what Eurovision is all about. It’s a powerful, multi-lingual dancefloor “banger”, complete with nods in both the track and the video to Celine Dion, Madonna, Whitney Houston and virtually any other diva you can think of. Incredible stuff.

Douze points!